Movin'

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COME ONE COME ALLLLLLL

miss my spot.

Stockholm, Night Three

2009

4evz

K.O.

K.O.

10 thoughts for right now...

1) I am scared for my first day of classes on Monday. I am excited to get a fresh start but not excited for my first all-nighters of the semester to be before it even starts.

2) I hate my paying job with a passion. My internship is my favorite thing in the whole entire world.

3) But, I feel like I'm in a rut and would rather not continue at FIT for the next two years, but I will regret going somewhere else, so I am going to stay.

4) So, for these next two years, I will be counting down the days till I can begin grad school(?)/move to Paris

5) I am not unhappy BECAUSE of the death of my cousin/big brother/etc, but I am realizing a lot of things that I wouldn't otherwise be realizing had I not been forced to think so much about my life.

6) Lenny brought some of the best and some of the worst people into my life and now I have to sort through them all. Why are the good ones so hard to reach, and the bad ones so hard to get rid of?

7) Leia and I are doing a pop-up store in less than one month and we need to start planning. This could go very well or be a big, big waste of time and money.

8) I am going to California over spring break. Every vacation I will take this year will have some bigger meaning than just getting on a plane for me. And this is no exception. It's not actually the purpose of the trip, but the underlying meaning is there regardless.

9) I'm doing okay now, and generally happy, but deep down, I am scared for the future and pretty lonely. My biggest fears are what I feel like I'm forgetting/letting go of, the more time goes on.

10) I have procrastinated way too long already, and now must get back to Valentino. Even though I just want to bake cookies and go to bed.

teary eyed alone in my room

I am SO uneasy with my life right now.

I don't want 2009 to end, but I don't think you could do ANYMORE to it to make a difference...

2009 was the BEST and worst year of my life.

I am scared for the future.

I don't know what I really want to do with my life anymore.

I am not as motivated as I once was, but I know it's because I don't have Lenny asking me every time he'd listen to me complain, "But you love it, right?" He's not there to remind me that I really do, and now I'm lost.

I miss lazy days. I miss touring. I miss when I was fun and talked a lot and laughed a lot and was stressed but didn't stress.

I think I might temporarily close this blog. I don't think it's become what I want it to be.